Hello Reader,

Last week I mentioned that one of the reasons I've become increasingly interested in neurodevelopmental assessment is that so many people spend years trying to understand themselves through the wrong lens.

That thought has stayed with me.

Over the years I've worked with literally thousands of people from very different backgrounds. Executives, entrepreneurs, parents, healthcare professionals, teachers, diplomats and students. Although their lives have often looked very different on the surface, one theme has appeared time and time again...

Many have become remarkably good at coping.

They meet deadlines, raise families, build careers and appear to function well. Friends and colleagues often see them as capable, resilient and dependable. Yet, privately, they describe life as feeling harder than it seems to for everyone else. Social situations can be unexpectedly draining. Small changes feel disproportionately unsettling. Everyday tasks require an extraordinary amount of mental effort. They often assume this is simply who they are.

The longer I work as a psychologist, the more I wonder whether we sometimes mistake adaptation for personality. Just think about that for a moment.

If you've spent twenty, thirty or fifty years adjusting yourself to fit the expectations of other people, it becomes difficult to know where the adaptation ends and where you begin.

Sometimes those patterns are best understood in terms of stress, burnout, anxiety or early life experiences. At other times they point towards autism or ADHD. There is no single explanation, and it's important not to jump to conclusions.

What matters is understanding the person sitting in front of you, rather than trying to fit them into a preconceived explanation.

Perhaps that's why I've become increasingly uncomfortable with assessment processes that seem more interested in ticking diagnostic boxes than understanding someone's life. A diagnosis, when appropriate, can be enormously helpful. But it should never be the destination. It should be one part of a much bigger conversation about who someone is, how they experience the world, and how they can move forward with greater self-understanding.

For many people, the greatest relief doesn't come from receiving a label, but from letting go of years of unnecessary self-criticism. That, to me, is where good psychology begins!

In my next email, I'd like to tell you a little about the assessment process I've spent the past year developing, and why I felt there was room for a different approach.

Until then, thank you for taking a few moments to read these reflections. After such a long break from writing, it really is a pleasure to be back in touch.

Warmly,

Matt

P.S. If you think someone in your family, friendship circle or workplace might find these reflections helpful, please feel free to forward this email to them.

Dr. Matt Shorrock DCounsPsych; MA. Psych; BSc. (Hons); CTA; CPsychol AFBPsS.

Clinical & Coaching Director of THE MIND INSTITUTE

Chartered & HCPC Registered Psychologist & Psychotherapist (UK & Europe) ​
​Certified Transactional Analyst (International) Editorial Team Member of the Transactional Analysis Journal (TAJ) Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society

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